I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.

In 22 hours I will be on a plane.

Je vous remercie, les étoiles.

I like the constants.

I like that standing at the Equator, you will always be spinning with the Earth at 1038 miles per hour.

I like that acceleration due to gravity on Earth will always be 9.81 m/s.

I like that there will always be 2.2 pounds in a kilogram and 1.6 kilometres in a mile, and 3.8 litres in a gallon.

I like that my sister will always be 5 years, 8 months younger than me.

I like that our alphabet will always start with A and finish with Z.

I like that spring will always come after winter, which will always come after autumn, which will always come after summer, which will always come after spring.

I like that fish will always swim and birds will always fly. (Yes, I know penguins would object quite strongly to that statement, but it doesn't matter, because no penguin will ever read this. The theory of evolution would also object, actually. So that is not a real constant. Too bad.)

I like that oxygen atoms will always have 16 protons and 16 electrons, and that in their elemental state they will always float around in pairs, molecularly (as opposed to ionically, which sounds like ironically) bonded to each other.

I like these constants because I can change myself inside out, upside down and backwards, and these things will all still be true. I like that nobody can do anything to change these things.

I love being in love with the world.

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

Les Brown, you are wrong.

The Sun is the closest star to the Earth. And it's almost 150 million kilometers from here. The average distance to the moon is only 382500 kilometers. This means that if you shoot for the moon and miss, you are still more than 149 million kilometers from a single star.

The point is, maybe we should be just a little bit cautious when we start dreaming big and acting all impulsively. Maybe we are right to be scared. If you give up everything you have to make it to the moon, and you miss, you actually just end up nowhere, with nothing.

"I want something else. I'm not even sure what to call it anymore except I know it feels roomy and it's drenched in sunlight and it's weightless and I know it's not cheap.
Probably not even real."

I want to want to write about this.

But it doesn't even feel significant.

Yeah, I miss Social already.

As long as these wheels roll they'll never rust.

I am obsessive. I nearly forgot this feeling. I thought maybe it was a phase I had grown out of. But recently it's back to 90 degree angles, and shirts folded the way they should be, and towels draped so the tag is where it belongs, and cupboards are closed all the way and nothing is sticking out of drawers, and the spines of books are all equal distances from the edge of the shelf. These things are like little shields. Like walls. Like if I can control these things I can control everything else. I can control me. I'm scared of this girl.

I need to move. I need to get out of this house, out of this city, off this planet. I should be an astronaut.

I should find something to be passionate about. Someone to be passionate with.

I should not be jealous. I have so much.

I'm restless.

Restless.

Restless.

Dynamic equilibrium.

Add a catalyst. It wont change, nor will the products, nor will the reactants. But this catalyst is so effective that the forward and reverse reactions are now happening at warp speed.

That's how this feels.

But I'm done chemistry.

And chemistry was simple.

You're not. I'm not.

Andy's growing up. So am I. So is everyone. We can't stop it.

I was ready to forgive. And then I was going to forget. Now I don't know what to do.

Every person on this planet is 1 in 6 billion. The more people there are, the more rare it is to find someone just like you.

There's a boy. Is that cliché ? Is there always a boy ?

I want to be fun and exciting and interesting. I forget how.