I don’t need you to tell me that I can do anything that I want or that I’ll achieve great things or that I’ll succeed at whatever I do. It’s really nice to hear, but you don’t need to say it. I’m not being conceited or cocky, I just know those things. I know I’m smart and I can work hard when I’m inspired to. I will be successful and I will help people and I will make changes. Definitely.
I just don’t know if I’ve waited too long to start. I haven’t figured out what I can do at this exact moment that’s going to help people. And I know I’ll go to school and educate myself and become the kind of person that can make changes, but waiting is hard.
I watched Big Fish on the weekend, and until now I’ve been a big fish in a small pond, and that’s okay. That’s a good way to start. (But I promise I have way more to give.) It was easy to be involved in a school of 1500 students, but pretty soon I’m going to be involved in a world of 7 billion. I swear to god, I’m going to.
I don’t know what I want yet; I just know I need to “make it.” I need to be somebody that someone else can look at and say, “Wow, she did it.” And I am so sure I can do that. Again, it’s not because I’m full of myself and think I’m so great, it’s just because I know how badly I want it. I know its not going to be easy, and I don’t even know what “it” is, but I’ll probably figure out what it is and how to do it as I go along.
And I’m avoiding making a plan, because I’ve always had the plans, and then this year I didn’t follow the plan, and something really cool happened and I learned some things about myself that I wouldn’t have otherwise, and in the end I’m really going to hurt because of it, and I’ve already cried about it, but it was worth that bit of being upset. And I don’t necessarily think the plans are overrated, because I they helped me so much along the way, but now I know it’s also important to leave time for detours and scenic routes and pee breaks (literally and figuratively. If you like road trips.)
I feel like every blog I write is about this same stuff. But I don’t really think about very much else.
