Katie, this isn't to you, but it's being blogged for your benefit (ie: so you can read it and tell me if it's too retarded to send or not), so I'm gonna go ahead and call it a shout out =). We're a little closer to even now. Oh and this is take three, just so you know. The first one was very angry, and defensive, the second one was pitiful, and this one is just, well, you'll see.

I don't write this expecting or wanting it to change anything. I just need you to know a couple things before I can really move on. For me it's like official closure, I guess.

I spent a really, REALLY long time being mad at you. It was the easiest thing to feel, I suppose. But I'm letting myself be sad now. And it sucks, it sucks so much. Because I guess what you did is made me disposable. You told me and showed me that I could be replaced.

Maybe I just hope that forgetting about me wasn't as easy as you made it seem. I hope you still cry when you hear Hero, by Enrique. I hope you still cry when you remember driving home from Time Traveler's Wife in the rain, listening to Jack Johnson. I hope you still cry when you read the letter I wrote when we got in that fight in grade 9. I hope you remember the letter you wrote me while I was in Asia last year, about how re-reading the grade 9 letter made you so sad, and how you never wanted us to get in such a dumb fight again. (Now don't get me wrong, I hope you do more than cry, so keep on reading.) I hope you stop resenting change. I hope you realize that we're supposed to be making mistakes right now. I hope you realize that neither of us are the same people we were when we first met, or when we first became best friends. And I hope you realize that's a good thing, that's how it's supposed to be. Oh, and I hope you find somebody else, someone other than me who loves Reese Puffs and Gushers as much as you. I hope you find someone else to have champagne picnics with in the rain, and someone else how might appreciate Seattle's best Pizza and Fanta as much as we do. (I also especially hope you realize what fatties I'm making us sound like right now.) I know that's a lot of hoping. I also hope it all makes sense. And that I'm not forgetting anything else.

Love, (or maybe something else. I don't know if love is appropriate, I just don't know how else to end letters)

Erin

p.s. I know this is long past, but I want to clarify that I don't think being drunk is an excuse for any of my hook-ups. But I also don't think that I need any excuses.

p.p.s. Did you know that p.s. is actually supposed to be capitalized ?

P.P.P.S. Don't really have anything to say here, but I wanted to try out the caps. And also, we both know it's hardly a legitimate letter without a handful of p.s.'s.